You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize