It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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