Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
