I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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