my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
ttyl tear gas
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
