Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
