You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
