oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
