Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
