Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
