my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
