I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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