Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
