Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
