don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
