When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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