I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think i have two assholes
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize