i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need a beard to bite.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
