I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
