Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He better not be in your backpack
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
