NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
