taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
