i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
