she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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