I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
