Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
