Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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