I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
