I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
