first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we're so committed to being not committed
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
