I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
