If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
