Need sex. Gaining weight.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
