playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
