If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
