We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
