man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
