He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
