Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize