Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
