Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
