Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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