No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
