Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
