I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i out mim tonsoeep
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
