im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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