When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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