dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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