Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
now i know why i became what i already was.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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