At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
