drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
