so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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