So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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