Yo dont text me then not text me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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