dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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