There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
