that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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