Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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