You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
