wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
