Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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