I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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