i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
