Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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