we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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