Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize