Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize