; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm both gender and math confused
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
