For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
