The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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