I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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