Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
