coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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