I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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