so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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