I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
