Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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