If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize