we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
