matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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