I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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