**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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