She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
