if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
