never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This is my gift to your gina
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
