literally had 100 drinks last night.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
