last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
