Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
