youre lurking in front of me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
