never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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