I wish I could teleport
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
