So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
