We're like a lot better than the average bears
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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