So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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