I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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