Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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